woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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