I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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