Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
