I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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