dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I looked at my own cervix.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
