he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
