try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
