I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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