your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
