you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
