so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
