Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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