its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize