Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
