dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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