worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
