I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do vagina's smell?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize