Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize