I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
