so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
