I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
