There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
