but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
