So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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