neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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