We named our party play list daddy issues
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
