His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
