Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
