I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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