I cannot find my penis.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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