Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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