'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
