you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
