So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I enjoy the company of your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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