you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
