I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
