you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
