i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
