She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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