I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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