i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
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