I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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