So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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