i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
