i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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