Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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