david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
