is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
