ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
