I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize