Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
