he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
