Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
