Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
