Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
