don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
