So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
