he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize