Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
