I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
