Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
