What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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