Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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