Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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