# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
