how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have fence marks all over my body
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
