You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
