We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
