It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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