before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
