i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize