Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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