I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
