we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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