look no pants
too bad you live with your parents still
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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