Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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