Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
