so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
