I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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