I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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