Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
