I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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